also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
