Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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