Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
