But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
