Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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