An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
