I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
