The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
