No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
