I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
