Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
