A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
