should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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