Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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