woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
