If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
