Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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