textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
