i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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