You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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