Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize