so explain again why im purple
no
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
