Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
