why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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