I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
