Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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