dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize