I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
