Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
