Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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