forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
