Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
