"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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