He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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