I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my poor anus
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
