Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
