She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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