Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
