i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
