its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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