New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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