Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
