By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
