shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
