i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
