The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
