How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
