Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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