I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize