shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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