oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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