i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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