Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
