i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize