you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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