So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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