So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
