So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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