Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
