my text book just quoted the cookie monster
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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