I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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