Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
