is your mom at the bar?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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