I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
