good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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