Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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