I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize