Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
