Please, let me fuck your mom
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
