just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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