Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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