# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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