Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
