butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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