Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
