I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
